12.31.2004
12.30.2004
Drama
Drama. There is a fine line between "good" drama and "bad" drama. Family drama, like the shit Tigas had to go through in a family reunion ordeal is a fine example of "bad" drama (at least to be involved in). An example of "good" drama I suppose would be the "Rise of Nations" contest between Rashaad and Glenn over a week ago.
We love drama, but we also hate drama with a passion.
Obviously if we completely hated drama in all forms, we wouldn't see movies, we wouldn't keep up with certain news stories on certain topics, we wouldn't keep up with certain people in our lives, and we wouldn't play certain games. It's that fine line that is hard to pinpoint. It's so subjective it's almost insane. that divider line has no fixed point, either. It no doubt goes back and forth from one end of the spectrum to the other.
To me seeing how others react to certain things is interesting at times. Whether it be noticing how even the slightest and sometimes most innocent stimulus can set off someone who needs anger management, or just the lack of sympathy or abundance of spite for someone or some group.
Drama. So entertaining, but also at times so fucking moronic that you want to pull your hair out. Sometimes undoubtedly at the same time (I can probably vouch for that from past drama).
12.28.2004
Blame Someone else for Your Damn Pop-Tarts!
RIMSHOT: Pop-Tarts and the law
12/23/2004
ON THE MORNING of June 1, 1998, Clark Seeley rushed out of his Albany, N.Y., home, forgetting that he had left Pop-Tarts heating in the toaster. Fire broke out and did huge damage to the house.
The insurance company paid $145,000 on the claim, but this is America, doggone it. Clearly our Founding Fathers intended that anyone who owned a toaster that set his Pop-Tarts on fire was entitled to relief under the federal court system.
Mr. Seeley and his housemate, Jannine Walton, sued Hamilton Beach-Procter/Silex Inc., the maker of the toaster, for more than $100,000 in additional damages.
Mr. Seeley and Ms. Walton hired Michael Wald, an electrical engineer, who toasted Pop-Tarts and similar pastries in an identical toaster "15 to 20 times" and reported that on three occasions, the frosting melted on the switch that turns the toaster off. Last week, the judge in the case certified Mr. Wald as an expert.
Is this a great country, or what? Not only is it a place where you can blame someone else when you forget the Pop-Tarts in the toaster, but it's also a place where a kid can study hard to get an electrical engineering degree and make a living as an expert at toasting Pop-Tarts.
>> Source [STL Post Dispatch Editorial]
Shot? Go not to the Hospital - but to your Mom!
Larry Taylor of Fort Valley, Georgia, shot in the head during a robbery. He decided that he wanted to die at home with his mother, so he walked to her house. With a bullet in his head he walked two miles to her house.
The good news is Mr. Taylor survived. The bad news is when he got to his mother‘s house, he found out she had moved.
Merry Christmas.
12.27.2004
Five Figure Death Toll
The 9.0 quake off the coast of Indonesia managed to even cause casualties in Africa apparently. The scale of destruction and cost in human life is probably far greater than it would have been had the same magnitude of quake hit Indonesia itself instead of being off shore.
And that's what amazes me about it - not the death toll (that's a close second) - but how widespread the event was "felt": Well over two thousand miles.

12.26.2004
No Feeling
Yesterday was Christmas. Outside of the shitload of work it meant on nights when I had to go to work I didn't care about it at all. It doesn't feel like a holiday inside of me. It's like a regular day. It was pretty dull, and I slept through most of the daylight hours. So, is the problem limited to a lack of care about the holiday or its meaning? Or is it more widespread than that?
Certainly there are people and days of the year we don't give a crap about, whether it be Columbus Day or the poor guy you saw get pummeled while a crowd of a people merely watched cheering the violence on or the people who fuck up their own lives by smoking, drinking and driving, or those who have nothing -- we may pretend to have some sympathy but we do nothing about it, we as a people have more reverence for greed than in sharing and helping. To us it's beat or be beaten, not work together (maybe that's why mankind may inevitably be doomed). We may go "thank god I'm not in that position/I hope I'm never in that position", but that's about it.
...
Hm... I just lost myself there thanks to that tangent. Heh.
A holiday needs something to make it meaningful, that's a given. Usually the warmth of family or the presence of someone special. But without that, what good is the holiday? There's nothing special about it. Christmas, it's apparently not even an established fact that Jesus was born on this day, and we sure as hell don't follow his teachings of love and peace (though isn't god supposedly about that to, yet he smites and what not (or supposedly used to) when he doesn't like what us humans did?). I'm not spiritual at all, another drawback to the holiday.
The only thing that makes it noticeable that it's a holiday is the corporate advertising and such making sure that it's the busiest time of the year so they get their big earnings.
This lack of a meaning can't be just my going against tradition out of recognition that that's the only thing that makes it "sacred" -- or you can trade calling "traditions" as such and instead call them ritualistic observance which isn't any different. This desenstization from holidays can't completely be all a machination of being a little more indepent of thought and beliefs than others. It has to be the long standing absense of anything "special" attributed to it. No one really important to spend it with, and nothing but erased memories vaguely discernible of the times when there was a whole family living under this roof having "better" Christmases... I imagine that "past erasing" has caused a lot of the meaning to evaporate. So the holidays (Valentines Day, 4th of July, Thanksgiving, etc) won't really have any "positive" meaning or any kind of "special" meaning like days like say May 9th have (even though it's a negative meaning) until something makes it special or worth trying to make a special day.
12.24.2004
Missile Defense
In case anyone missed the news, the latest test staged by the Defense Department’s Missile Defense Agency concluded in an embarrassing failure on Dec. 15. The target rocket launched on schedule from Alaska, but the interceptor rocket never left its pad in the Marshall Islands for their planned rendezvous in space. The cause, according to the Missile Defense Agency, was "an unknown anomaly," which in plain English means that the Pentagon, after spending roughly $100 billion over the past two decades on this system, has no idea why it still doesn’t work.
According to newspaper reports, the test had been postponed several times due to "bad weather," so apparently we must hope that our enemies choose a nice sunny day to attack. In fact, the interceptor hadn’t been tested for two years, because the previous test in December 2002 was also a disastrous failure. On that occasion, the "kill vehicle" didn’t separate from the booster rocket, missed the target by hundreds of miles and finally incinerated in the earth’s atmosphere.
There are many sound scientific and technical reasons why this particular version of missile defense may never function as advertised, no matter how many staged experiments are performed. Previous tests have been carefully rigged by placing a homing beacon on the target, by launching the target repeatedly along the same course, and by programming complete information about the timing and trajectory of the target to the interceptor. The enemy not only has to attack on a sunny day, but they had better tell us exactly when and how, too.
Even if the Pentagon’s engineers can someday launch an interceptor rocket that meets an incoming target, the enemy missile is likely to deploy simple countermeasures that can divert the "kill vehicle." Missile defense isn’t nearly ready for realistic testing, and won’t be for years, if ever.
Lying to the Children
I one night brought this up with Mike because it was something I was thinking about. The feeding kids lies about Santa Clause, who, if real, would be mind boggling in his capabilities and make Jesus look like a guy on the corner playing music while passers by drop coins and bills into a jar held by a monkey in comparison.
[From 12-5-04]
NR363avs (1:23:07 AM): Ok, I have a slightly bizzare question that came to mind a few days ago
HTMLjedi (1:23:25 AM): go.
HTMLjedi (1:23:30 AM): i like bizzare.
NR363avs (1:23:32 AM): What good does it do to lie to kids early on about the existence of the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause?
NR363avs (1:23:44 AM): (I went with a holiday theme)
HTMLjedi (1:24:51 AM): it's a rationalization for gift-giving and getting, and it's just a little thing that adds a bit of spirit to the holiday, something that a kid can relate to.
HTMLjedi (1:25:02 AM): fairy tales aren't ever close to accurate, but they're told for that reason.
HTMLjedi (1:25:10 AM): uh... other things, too.
HTMLjedi (1:25:37 AM): it promotes imaginative growth, heh.
HTMLjedi (1:25:55 AM): i can almost see that, seeing as i never ever believed in the easter bunny.
HTMLjedi (1:26:03 AM): santa, well... i did when i was wee lad.
NR363avs (1:26:12 AM): yeah
NR363avs (1:28:40 AM): eh, nevermind on that
HTMLjedi (1:28:52 AM): lol
NR363avs (1:28:52 AM): I was all into what lesson it teaches kids to lie to them about things
NR363avs (1:29:04 AM): and gullibility and such
HTMLjedi (1:29:08 AM): the social complex part of it.
HTMLjedi (1:29:09 AM): well.
HTMLjedi (1:29:31 AM): a kid should learn this on his or her own anyway.
HTMLjedi (1:29:36 AM): no one told me santa didn't exist.
HTMLjedi (1:29:39 AM): i dunno.
HTMLjedi (1:29:46 AM): i don't even know how i stopped.
NR363avs (1:30:08 AM): mine was seein my dad sneak upstairs and put stuff under the tree when I was like five
HTMLjedi (1:30:10 AM): it just happened. it's like when someone dies and you just foget about it. i mean, i forgot or something?
HTMLjedi (1:30:22 AM): yeah. that leads to complexion.
HTMLjedi (1:30:33 AM): the issue is how long do you continue the ruse?
HTMLjedi (1:30:49 AM): a kid should be mature enough around 7 or 8 to understand.
NR363avs (1:30:59 AM): yeah, because i can very very vaguely remember elementary school arguments about whether Santa was real or not
HTMLjedi (1:31:09 AM): the problem is, if you give your kid too much of that shit, they'll believe it more than their brain would let them think otherwise.
HTMLjedi (1:31:15 AM): it's blind belieft.
HTMLjedi (1:31:16 AM): belief.
HTMLjedi (1:32:05 AM): i still suppose it's not quite harmful by itself.
HTMLjedi (1:32:28 AM): because really, you won't lead them into a complex unless more issues occur.
HTMLjedi (1:32:46 AM): the whole lying issue really stems from more things, like how trustable the parent is.
HTMLjedi (1:33:12 AM): it's not just on santa and christmas and holidays, it's gotta be overall--does the parent say one thing and not mean a shit of it?
And eventually the whole internal chatter about the topic dissolved into oblivion -- for a while. Then came this string of Boondocks comics (easily found on MSNBC under Entertainment: Comics) that are on the subject of lying to children at the least about Santa Clause and such (the following strips have been altered so they go vertically):

- from 12-6-04

- from 12-7-04

- from 12-8-04

- from 12-9-04

- from 12-10-04

- from 12-11-04
In brief, I'll say this. Its not a "big" lie, but considering the scope (i.e. millions of children across America among other countries that have a majority that practices the holiday) its pretty sizeable in usage and obviously influence. It shapes the minds of kids, and the question is where you draw the line if you tell them that lie because "its not that bad", or with other people long past that childhood phase. Because lying is acceptable to a certain degree for the human race depending on intent and usage of each individual lie. "I'm too tired", "I did not have sex with that woman", "I believe in equality", "I'm lost", "Go Rams!", "We're winning the war in Vietnam", "Earth is not round", etc.
So where the line is drawn in the greater spectrum is really subjective, bringing me back to elements of the chat with Mike. Including how it goes back to blind belief to a degree (or at least the potential for it through deception of the gullible individual or masses).

12.23.2004
On the Eve of Christmas Eve
Yes, crisis for humanity, ladies and gentlemen. Grab anything that'll fit in your arms because you won't be able to open your fucking door there'll be soooooo much snow blocking it -- FOR ALL WINTER!!! (seriously, don't start a terrorist scare, its more effective to start a god damn snow scare to get even the fattest people to get their asses into gear!)
How much snow did we end up getting?
Zip.
Well now, don't they feel like a right bunch of nitwits?
*sigh* anyway, only two more nights of work left before an off day (i.e. Christmas). But the last two nights haven't been that bad to be honest. The entertainment factor has been able to outweigh the bordem factor of being stuck in the same aisle for up to eight friggin hours (and you thought being stuck in a single classroom for an hour got repetitively dull!)
Last night I woke up to go to work with a huge stomach cramp or something. It wasn't good, especially driving out there. I should have called in, but, I didn't, and I'm partly glad because during the brief lulls when stocking for the first hour I helped out this cute checker my age who was struggling to find where certain things were stocked at.
I swear, when it comes to gals I go from zero to fool in less than five seconds. She certainly made me forget my cramps or whatever the hell they were for about a half hour. Heh.
Maybe it was the blue eyes, or maybe it was that smile of hers, I dunno. Nor do I know what to really do or say if she happens to be there tonight. I'll figure something out I guess.
...And then came the upchucking. Oh joy. Best part of the night (sarcasm). An hour into work I went to the bathroom, and before I knew it --

But yet I still stayed for the remainder of my six hour shift, occassionally regretting the decision when the cramps continued, saying screw the two voluntary extra hours (to make it an 8 hour shift), and screw going home early. The co-worker (notice how I purposely never use their names) I almost got into a fight with responded to the puking news "at least you're sticking it out, your [older] brother would cut out right then and there and go home." So I took some pride in toughing it out.
Tonight will certainly be quite a change from how quiet it was last night. Two guys were off last night that usually throw stuff around (and hide your shit when your not looking), so no doubt the hilarity will return tonight.
12.22.2004
19 U.S. Troops Lost -- not to a Car Bomb!
12/23/04 EDIT---
But by a suicide bomber!
Pentagon officials acknowledged that the attack was likely carried out by a suicide bomber who infiltrated the camp’s dining tent as soldiers ate lunch.
(*the rest of the ramble has been fine tuned, I had been operating on the guess that it was a missile or rocket used*)---
If anyone thought the widespread insurgency would just keep doing small on-foot stormings of police stations, masquerades as checkpoint personel to murder whomever, or use roadside bombs or car bombs (with or without a brainless "martyr" inside), the devestating attack on a mess tent in a compound housing U.S. troops is a grim realization for some (presuming they're not in denial that it could be more persistent) that its getting nastier, and the enemy is more compitent and - no doubt through the use of infiltrators and sympathizers - well informed about their enemy (us and those Iraqis dismissed as decent human beings for being collaborators).
In April 2003, as the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq was ending, the Pentagon projected in a formal planning effort that the U.S. military occupation of the country would end this month.I seem to recall an incident earlier in the occupation before the installment of the Interim government, while Bremer was the de facto Governor of Iraq, that a hotel or something of that nature was hit by insurgent rockets fired from what was presumed to be a truck while one of the Deputy Defense Secretaries were there I think? Or was it Rummy? That bits a little hazy from how long it's been, over a year I'd imagine, but if I remember right a high ranking field officer (either a Lt. Colonel or a Colonel) was killed in the attack.
Instead, December 2004 brought the deadliest single incident of the war for U.S. forces, with more than 80 casualties suffered yesterday by U.S. troops, civilian contractors and Iraqi soldiers when a U.S. base near the northern Iraqi city of Mosul was blasted at lunchtime.
At least 19 of those killed in the attack on a mess tent at the city's airport were American soldiers -- more U.S. troops than have been lost in any other major incident in the fighting, even during the spring 2003 invasion. Before yesterday, the worst incidents were the deaths of 17 soldiers from the 101st Airborne Division in the November 2003 collision of two UH-60 Black Hawk helicopters, also in Mosul, and, two weeks before that, the loss of 15 soldiers when a CH-47 Chinook transport helicopter crashed west of Baghdad. All three occurred after President Bush's May 2003 declaration that major combat operations in Iraq had ended.
The major difference between the latest attack and the earlier incidents is that it was an attack on a U.S. base, rather than on troops in transit in vulnerable aircraft. That difference appears to reflect both the persistence of the insurgency and its growing sophistication, as experts noted that it seemed to be based on precise intelligence. Most disturbingly, some officers who have served in Iraq worried that the Mosul attack could mark the beginning of a period of even more intense violence preceding the Iraqi elections scheduled for Jan. 30.
Not vert far fetched. That's already been the obvious case for the IGN and the Iraqi police forces at times.Several experts noted that insurgents appear to have acted on accurate intelligence. Kalev Sepp, a former Special Forces counterinsurgency expert who recently returned from Iraq, noted that the attack "was carried out in daylight against the largest facility on the base, at exactly the time when the largest number of soldiers would be present."
"This combination of evidence indicates a good probability that the attack was well-planned and professionally executed," Sepp said.
A byproduct of such a strike is that it tends to drive a wedge between U.S. personnel and the Iraqis who work on the base. "I think that this tells us first that our base facilities are totally infiltrated by insiders who are passing the word on when and where we are most vulnerable to attack," said retired Marine Col. Edward Badolato, a security expert.
Maybe what happened to the mess tent in Mosul won't be a common occurance, but I doubt it'll be the last of its kind to where its not the insurgencies favored car bombs (which one killed twenty people at a funeral the other day in Najaf) -- but the next best thing -- idiotic zealots led to believe by chief zealots that blowing themselves up is the way to do it.
From a tactical standpoint, attacking bases is more effective than bombing the Iraqi civilians, mainly because we here in the states only give a damn about the body counts when its our people, if its a dozen or two Iraqis dead (like it seems to be everyday) it doesn't even affect us. Its got relevance in the field as a battle tactic, and sure as hell a type of psychological weapon that could have a profound impact on the publics opinion on the situation.
Seriously, it was only sooner or later before they made an actual hit on a base. (Hold on a sec.... didn't a base come under fire right before or during the first Battle of Fallujah in April? I just had a memory flash of an attack in Samarra where something like 70 insurgents on foot mounted an attack on I think a U.S. facility of some kind. Again, details are lacking and hazy because of the time that's passed.)
However long the "calm" between these "major" strikes on U.S. forces (quotes used cause as I mentioned above the Iraqi body counts, even of the fifty something ING troops found dead in Mosul weeks ago or the dozens that get blown away in car bombings daily, don't matter at all it would seem to most), it seems inevitable (regardless of method of attack used) that another one as bad or worse is bound to happen sooner or later in this run up to the election and possibly after if by February or March there is such discord in the PR and ground battles that the country officially breaks out into civil war.
Start Kissing Your Congress' Ass Mr. President
If Bush wants success in his second term, he will have to be more flexible with his Republican dominated legislature than his not so objective cabinet of loyalists. They want a chunk of the power, Mr. President, now that they have control of the legislature for the time being. Though now that they are the majority they can't blame the Democrats for shortfallings and such.
And you know what, on one issue I definitely agree with them that you should take action on... (and why am I writing this as though he were actually reading it??)
After essentially rubber-stamping much of Bush's first-term agenda, many House and Senate Republicans plan to assert themselves more forcefully to put their mark on domestic policy in the new year, according to several lawmakers.
...
But the president's most nettlesome intra-party issue in early 2005 may be immigration, lawmakers said. Bush's goal of granting guest-worker status to large numbers of undocumented immigrants is about to collide head-on with House Republicans' push to crack down on illegal immigrants, in part by denying them driver's licenses.
Don't reward them for illegal immigration and stealing of jobs that legal citizens are having trouble finding (even though for a business leader they are the best to hire -- much less pay needed for them than American workers!)
House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (Ill.) salvaged the intelligence legislation this month only by telling GOP colleagues that the White House has vowed to allow tough immigration restrictions, including the driver's license proposal, that were removed from the measure to accompany the first "must-pass" legislation of 2005.
"If the president wants to maintain credibility with House Republicans, he has to be engaged and willing to pass immigration reform that conservatives want," said Rep. Ray LaHood (Ill.), one of 57 House Republicans who voted against the intelligence bill Bush just signed into law. "If he does that, he will build a bridge" that could open the way to far-reaching changes to Social Security, the tax code and other policies, LaHood said. "If he's missing in action on that issue, he's going to have big problems."
>> Source Article [MSNBC's WashingtonPost highlights]
12.21.2004
December 20th (25 hour day)
It was such a dull night the most note worthy thing was when the phone rang at 4 am and a co-worker goes, "Joe's Morgue, you stab 'em we bag 'em".
Around 11 am Mike picked me up and then we went to get Rashaad for a venture to South County (SoCo) and spent the afternoon at Crestwood, playing ITG (In the Groove) and laughing as Mike's little sister ("MARC") kicked ass in Tekken 5 when she had never played a fighting game before. My skills need a lot of improvement, which wouldn't be to hard to do and afford if it weren't for my legs giving out sooner than anyone else there. Maybe I need to change my technique or its just improved stamina that I need, I dunno.
It was interesting to see numerous others, mostly strangers, including one pretty nice looking gal that was there when we showed up, who were really good at it and could play really rapid paced songs. I don't know how to describe it further, its just really impressive that certain people have the ability (and inclination I guess) to be experts at it.
I was probably the worst person there all day because others were going maybe ten minutes of fast paced songs without losing the cooperation of their legs. And because Glenn is better than Mike. Heh.
After Mike had to go to Megan's house to drop off some presents we went back to his house and at first got to watch Glenn and Rashaad play each other in Rise of Nations, that in of itself was funny. Rashaad was upstairs in Mike's room, and Glenn was down on the ground floor.
Eventually when Mike and I checked up on Glenn after observing Rashaad's build up we saw that he could not possibly be defeated with the empire he had going. He had fourty percent of the map, unbeknownst to Rashaad, and he had a large modern army and air force (army of around 200 units divided into 1st Infantry, 2nd Artillery, and 3rd Infantry), and so we went back upstairs to watch Rashaad, and in comes a swarm of Glenn's B-52 bombers to bombard his city, destroying his Hanging Garden (he had no anti-air defenses whatsoever). His reaction was hilarious as Glenn also sent comments.
Deception is one of the most potent weapons. Glenn researched the Missile Shield, which Rashaad took as to meaning he was dead. So he starts making nuclear missile silos, and blows away the nearby computer player, afraid of a swarm of return nukes from Glenn. When me and Mike scrambled downstairs we found that Glenn had no missiles or silos, it was all a mind game, and it worked. Rashaad could have obliterated part of Glenn's territory since he had the nuclear weapons first, but because of the deception Glenn developed his own missiles eventually, and first layed siege to ther computer player near Rashaad's holdings (He had employed a strategy of taking down all the computer players one by one first), and then two of Rashaad's cities were blown away by nukes.

The crippling lack of information on the full picture cost Rashaad in his game with Mike, too. Mike amassed his army eventually on Rashaad's southern border after slowly sweeping away a computer player in the corner region (the map had a number of large lakes), and Rashaad never knew, he was focused on conquering a computer player on his opposite border.

Mike didn't even need to develop nuclear missile to finish him off. But he sure got two computer player's cities in a mass of six simltaneous missile strikes.
And when I got home I just crashed since I had been up about thirty minutes more than 25 hours. No complaints there, I enjoyed the day, SoCo and hanging out at Mike's was awesome, and I have such a lack of other topics right now and an interest in things like strategy and shit that I was compelled to write. But, as Glenn says:
Glenn: you actually blog
Glenn: i love you
Me: lol
Glenn: like a daily occourence of events
Glenn: or at least a bi-daily
Even though its not that consistent, and not always what I'd consider "high quality" even when it is.
And I could go on to a seperate angle of the afternoon to a more angsty kind of evaluative / self critical, but, nah. Same goes for a semi-wierd dream. Maybe another time if at all. I may let it fade away so it is 100% technically "Good Times":
A lot of people always say that it’s good times. But when isn’t it good times? There are times when it’s not good times, but we don’t like to talk about them. Since we don’t talk about when it’s not good times, we don’t remember that they happened. And if there’s no record of it, it’s like it never happened. So it’s always good times.
- Attributed to Amir, class valedictorian
12.18.2004
"It, erm, Slipped by, Sir."
This was the kicker headline Wednesday found during the last Model U.N. meeting of the semester and calender year, "Airport Security Loses Fake Bomb in Training" [MSNBC].
Baggage screeners at Newark Liberty International Airport spotted — and then lost — a fake bomb planted in luggage by a supervisor during a training exercise.
Despite an hours-long search Tuesday night, the bag, containing a fake bomb complete with wires, a detonator and a clock, made it onto an Amsterdam-bound flight. It was recovered by airport security officials in Amsterdam when the flight landed several hours later.
...
Earlier this month, French authorities lost a bag containing real explosives that were being used to train bomb-sniffing dogs. That led French authorities to prohibit using live explosives in future tests.

Always comforting to know that the best is being done in the name of security. Oh wait (sarcasm). Though that bit about the French exercise with live bombs was also hilarious/disturbing. Try explaining that fuck up to your boss without being fired.

The Holiday Spirit
On first break this one older guy on the crew got mad at the overnight checker for removing a bottle of his soda that he had left in one of the coolers in the frozen food aisles (normal routine for a number of crew members). He was volatile about it, too.
Then between breaks me and this other co-worker, the one that does the most trash talking and mischievious of the night crew came within a second of a fight. Oh man he was pissed and I wasn't backing down, but then seeing a co-worker looking on as we were toe-to-toe with a big grin on his face and possibly quietly giggling (you know, just like the fools at school do when they see a fight in progress -- it's entertainment). "cooler" heads prevailed. I say cooler because he took out his frustration with a punch to a group of boxes on the shelf.
Ah, tis the holiday season, where merry cheer and good will swell within practitioners.
Pfah! Yeah Right!

12.12.2004
12.10.2004
In Memory...
I have a very narrow window to blog, heh, thank work and school for that (obviously I just got home from work. It was pretty entertaining). So, I'm gonna at least ramble a little bit about things on my mind.
It's been one year exactly since my friend Adam died last year. I knew it was coming and checked what the date was.
To start, one thing that's always quietly bit away at me was how I was a pretty horrible friend. I mean, even after he got cancer around a year before his death I just kinda shrugged it off and ignored it because of other "important" matters that were really just consequences of my naive attitude and utter incompetence that hindered me until maybe the end of my Junior year and cost me at least one good friend, and another potentially good one if I would have hung out with him afterschool (things I regret to this day when they come to memory).
And I guess that guilt (which disappeared for a while with minor reappearances when his absense would come to mind) perhaps subconsciously (I'm theorizing here) what drove me to try and help somehow with a very depressed friend of mine who constantly mentioned how she wanted to die or how better off the world would be without her. And in the effort to be a better friend and to try and keep anything bad from happening to her, I failed because she wouldn't allow help, she didn't care about help, she didn't care about our friendship either. Oh well. Maybe in my hope of helping I couldn't see that she was making idle threats that were just melodramatic in nature.
But I remember that I found out he died in my 6th hour when two classmates were talking about it, and as soon as I got downstairs to the "Crotch Ball team" afterwards, no less than two people used the terminology involving death which just didn't help at all... another thing I miss sorta, the whole Crotch Ball thing (it's not how it sounds, it was merely hackey sack with crumbled paper duct taped into a ball -- the name came about thanks to the scarf we first used one day and what Orlando did with it.)
And, for a time after the funeral especially, I remember how much I contemplated the concept of death -- not as an option mind you, but as an inevitable reality, and what might or might not happen afterwards. Do you or your "soul" exist afterwards, or is it all for nothing in the end, just a faint echo that quickly disperses into the emptiness of the vast universe? Things along those lines.
I know it got Mike onto the topic of death in the aftermath since he was there when I mentioned a friend had died and then he was reacting to the two people that used the death terminology in their "hellos":
...People die from mistakes, people die fighting battles (pointless or not, that opinion doesn't matter in my point), people die doing stupid things (the definition of "stupid" is subjective), people die from other people doing wrongs (subjective), people die from disease, and people die from old age. People die innocent and guilty, moral and immoral, it doesn't matter. Death is democratic, pure and simple. Everyone is counted--everyone falls into it, regardless of wealth or status or lifestyle.
Me, I'm saddened when people die not of their doing at a young age. Too many "innocent" people die every day. (Note the quotes. Innocence is subjective.) Why, it's the people that go out and do drugs, drink, and have sex every other day that live as long as they do, while their good quiet, shy, "good" friend dies in a car accident at age 16, of course. (This is an exaggerated allusion to an actual incident.)
People in general die and fail, but good people and smart people seem to fail because the society forces us to appeal to the lower of the bunch...
- Mike Tigas, ~December 10th, 2003
Life goes on of course, and it did that day too when the Crotch Ball game kicked into motion, in which a quote of mine became common terminology and memory for some of us:
Me: "You suck with your legs!"
Orlando: "I didn't know my legs had mouths!"
That is maybe what kept me in check from getting too down about my short fallings and the loss of a terrific individual from the face of the Earth before he could even get out of High School and perhaps make history with how intelligent he was. Those after school hang outs for that game also helped when I missed the second half of the day he was buried on for the funeral. I remember walking back to school that day and getting there when they were getting ready to play afterschool in the front lawn of the school (which still is really messed up still from our activities a year ago).
Those games are now a memory, as is the existence of Adam and his tragic end at a young age. I can only hope that he is in a better place, and that my short fallings as a friend can be forgiven by him and others I neglected and messed things up with during the times when he was alive, some of which were before he even was diagnosed with cancer.
So much for rambling, It's 6:30 so it's time to get going. So much for the other topics, too. Heh. I just know I'm probably not the only one who knew him remembering his early passing.
Hope you're resting in peace, pal.
12.08.2004
December 8th [1.0]
Table of Contents
- 1.0
- Retroactive Clairvoyance
- "Middle Mind" excerpts (pt. 1)
- End Quote
I say 1.0 because this a quick snip of stuff before I eventually come back later on tonight (hopefully) and write some shit down more thoroughly so I don't go too insane with the two double shifts in a row. Time for even semi-intellectual thought and otherwise a normal social life outside of school simple rarely exists in the home environment, and when it does, I'm too fucked up to enjoy it for long -- as in too "tired" / fatigued, and like today.
I'm long past my "prime brain activity time" which for some reason seems to be around the very middle of the day, and the very middle of the night... if at all (when working there is little stimulus for intelligent growth... just, humor and time to unfortunately dumb down).
*Though these "prime brain activity times" are probably just some bullshit that is just a recent temporary pattern that I've vaguely noticed and presumed to be consistent.*
Though it may remain "December 8th [1.0]" if I have nothing to add. (Next question that comes to my mind is whether I'll institutionalize the [1.0] designator for all posts as a quickly visible gauge of whether or not its been added to later on? Doubtful, at least in use all across the board for every single post from here on out).
Retroactive Clairvoyance
Mike found this when browsing through pages on Wikipedia involving philosophy and such afterschool in Mrs. Minute's room when we managed to jump from theology and philosophy to... Nostradamus. The subjectivity of his often vague "prophecies" can be easily mimiced and manipulated. But what took the cake was when Mike followed the link to the entry about retroactive clairvoyance -- more specifically its definition:
Retroactive Clairvoyance is the ability to use hindsight to predict what happened after it has happened.
It's an attempted rationalization of the "predictions" when its been "determined" as to what was "predicted" that has come true. I predict Mike found something about retroactive clairvoyance because he did find it.
Heh. Zack, when we showed him and Glenn that he turned to Glenn and went "I predict America becomes a country..." Melodramatically, Glenn staggers back as if in shock, and points to the door, implying that Zack leave.
"Middle Mind" excerpts (pt. 1)
The whole book, "The Middle Mind: Why Americans Don't Think For Thermselves" is just a bunch of intellectual rambles by the author that interconnect, probably why I like it even though I don't agree with all of it. But what's best about the premise of it is how it doesn't blame the "stupidizing" of America I guess you could say on the government or the corporations. It instead blames the individuals of the public.
The Middle Mind assumes that the people it takes as its audience don't know anything; it assumes that most people are benevolently stupid.
- pg 31
At one point he goes into detail ranting about "Saving Private Ryan"... Oh man, I'll have to cite that some other time on the several things he goes on about shortly after he goes on about Clinton's state terrorism by sending cruise missiles into what turned out to be a pharmecutical plant in Sudan.
One subtle note within one of the many excerpts of others works amid his rants is how "half the world's inhabitants have never made a phone call, yet Internet traffic doubles every 100 days."
More later on that, possibly.
End Quote
"In short, forget the Emersonian tradition of Self-Reliance. We're no even Do-It-Yourself Hobbyists. We're a Done-Elsewhere-by-Somebody-Else Culture."
- "Middle Mind", pg 10
12.04.2004
12.03.2004
Faith
came across this quote:
"Reason devoid of the purifying power of faith, canFaith is free of distortions? Faith is infallible and never misguided, eh? Having faith can and most likely will cloud your judgement. Having faith won't keep something from falling apart or turning out to be completely the opposite of what you believe it to be.
never free itself from distortions and rationalizations."
- Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King